WHOAAA!
by ImaginationCreation
Summary: The flock has many out of character oneshots in one story. None of them are related to one and other and all seperate stories. VERY OOC!
1. Cookie Thief

**Cookie Thief**

"It's mine," she said glaring at him from across the table.

"No way in hell," he said staring back and looking even more deadly.

Max let her breath out slowly as she gazed at him; there was no way he was going to get the very last cookie. They one she had worked so hard making it. In her mind, the cookie belonged to her.

Both of their hands shot out at the very same time, but instead of grabbing the cookie, they grabbed each other. Actually, Fang's hand grabbed Max's wrist and twisted. He wouldn't give up that easily, even if it were a girl he was fighting with. Did Max even qualify as a girl? More like a sister…

Max thought quickly. He wouldn't get away with that. Very suddenly Max smacked her hand against her full glass of milk and watched as it spilled all over Fang's lap.

He jumped back and let go of Max's hand, forgetting his job for only a second. Noticing his slip he threw himself over the table and knocked Max onto the floor. Without thinking Max chomped into Fang's neck and pushed him off of her.

Fang leapt back holding his neck. "What the hell?"

"You attacked me."

He crossed his arms, "Well, I want that cookie."

This time it was Max who landed on top of Fang. He'd turned to grab the cookie so she'd launched herself at him. He pushed her off of him and rolled on top of her. Receiving a knee in an unmentionable place.

"Ugh…" He said allowing himself to be pushed to the floor. Now he stared at the ceiling, just as Max was going to jump him again he yelled, "Truce, truce!"

Max sat back on her heels and smiled, "So I can have the cookie?"

"No, we'll split it."

She shrugged, "Not what I had in mind, but it works."

Fang nodded and sat up. His pants stained with milk, and… hurting, he got up from the floor and looked at the plate. It was empty, the cookie was gone. Max turned to see the plate, and there, she saw as well. The missing cookie.

"Fang!" Max yelled and punched him in the shoulder.

"How can you blame me when we were fighting the whole time?"

"Hmph," she said angrily.

Little did they know that Iggy had passed them during their squabble and innocently taken the cookie from the platter. Now he sat in a tree munching on it slowing and savoring every little crumb. He laughed, at their stupidity. To fight over a cookie when there were other bird kids in the house. Especially ones as smart as him.

But Max and Fang did not suspect Iggy. It was Gazzy they chased through the house with a skillet.


	2. Knox Style

**Knox Style** _(Watch it all here .com/user/knoxskorner1?blend=2&ob=4)_

There I was, in the middle of huge fight with Erasers. All I knew was I was falling, and hitting my head on a rock. And this is first thing that came to me…

"Heyyy, heyy you over there!"

Max sighed, "Gazzy stop imitating that."

"Heeyyy, I see you over there."

Iggy rolled his eyes and said dully, "Yeah I see you too."

It took Gazzy a moment before he started to laugh. He didn't really understand at first but then it kicked in. Iggy was blind…

"Can you do the Funky Chicken?" Angel said walking into the room with her hands in her armpits.

I looked up, "What the…?"

Max jumped up and stuck her hands in her armpits as well. "How do you do the Funky Chicken?"

Angel was eager to teach her, "You stick your arms in your little arm baskets. And you kick your legs out like this." With that she started to stick out her legs one by one repeatedly. "And there it is, you're doing the funky chicken! Oh! I GOT TO GO!" And Angel hurried out of the room as I watched in shock at Max dancing.

And suddenly a blue blob of a thing walked into the room with a sheriff badge stuck to its chest and a gun in its hand. "Hey, you, are you doing the Funky Chicken?"

"Yes, I am doing the Funky Chicken."

The blue blob shook its head, "That's it, you get the death penalty." And he grabbed her by the arm dragging her out of the room. I was confused at this point. Nothing made sense…

"I JUST WANNA RUB MY FACE ALL OVER IT!" Nudge yelled. And when I looked at her she rubbed her face on a pancake. And suddenly, it blew up.

I sat back and blinked my eyes, with a look at Iggy I saw he was laughing. Gazzy sat with him as they chuckled at their bombs.

Total ran over, "I like to sit on _my _pancakes." I watched as he sat down and the pancake exploded.

"I got a tummy ache." Angel complained.

I turned to look at her, and jumped to my feet when I saw her. There was a huge spike sticking through her. I wasn't aware of my words, "Yeah I bet."

"I just got really bad cramps in my kabumbum… I took some medicine for it… DIDN'T WORK!"

Then another spear was thrown into her. Right into her head. I turned to look at where it came from and saw another blue blob.

"I got a bad migrane…"

"Hey!" I found myself yelling, "Hey dude. Hey you with the spikes, can you stop throwing spikes at this girl? It's kinda mean."

All he said was, "I'm not throwing any spikes."

"Um yes you are. Yes you are because you're the only person on this table…" What the hell? Did I just say table? "Right now who has spikes. It can't be anybody else."

"Well," the guy said, "How come you have spikes?"

"What are you talking about, you're the one that has spikes."

Angel turned on me then, "You're the one that gave me a stomach ache, and the headache aren't yah?"

"I don't have any spikes, he has spikes!"

The blue blob shook its head, "You do have spikes. The spikes are in your head."

"I don't have spikes in my head. He's being a dummy that's what he's doing." I said dummy…?

Out of no where the sheriff came and shot the blob in the head. Repeatedly…

But my attention was stolen from Angel when Gazzy yelled. "Help, I need help. Heeellppp, I need help. I'm stuck in the VCR…"

Slowly I turned my head to look at him. There he was, half dangling from the VCR. Upon seeing this, I wondered vaguely if I was on some sort of drug trip. I couldn't think of any other reason… And holy crap, the VCR was huge…

"How did you get stuck in the VCR?" I asked.

"I wanted to be on TV."

And then Angel was next to me talking. She still had spikes sticking out of her in every direction.

"Can you help get him out?" I said stupidly. It seemed I had no control over my words.

"I can't help him, I'm just a kid."

"Oh…" I ended up leaving him in the VCR. Actually… he got himself stuck all the way in the VCR and I forgot about him.

Then another person yelled in another direction, "This is a big emergency."

I didn't know what to expect when I looked… Lissa… And Bridget. What the hell?

Lissa was the one that spoke. But Bridget said something strange, "Listen you need to take a chill pill."

"What? No, I have a problem."

But Bridget insisted, "You need to take a chill pill. Hold out your hand with the chill pill in it. You got the chill pill in you hand, put your chill in your mouth like this." Bridget stuck the chill pill in her mouth. "Okay now swallow the chill pill. Did you swallow the chill pill?"

"Yes, I took a chill pill, now I'm chilled. Now you need to help me. If you don't help me soon then I'm going to be dead."

Suddenly a huge toy car rammed into her and knocked her on to floor before driving away casually…

I blinked my eyes and they were gone.

Then I realized the only other living flock member… Angel was now dead on the floor… I suppose Gazzy could be alive and starting a new life in the VCR, but it was just Iggy and me. And so he walked over to me. "Do you know who I am?"

"Iggy…?"

"No," he said, "I'm Dr. Bob and you have a problem. You'll die in two days if I don't operate _right now_."

"What's wrong with me?"

He swung his arm up and held a gun, "You better pay in advance." And he shot me.

I bolted up from the ground. Looking around I saw the flock, fighting. Everyone was alive, and Iggy didn't shoot me in the face. I guess I just blacked out…


	3. Sweet Songs of Love

**Enjoy.**

* * *

Sweet Songs of Love

"Maxxx," Gazzy called out.

"What's that?" She murmured not really paying attention.

"I must tell you something. It is very important. MY LIFE COULD DEPEND ON WHAT YOU SAY!"

She looked up from the book she had been trying to read. "What's that?"

"First you have to know. Or… promise. You will not judge me on what I say."

She sighed and dropped her shoulders, it must be important. "On with it?"

He burst into song.

"_In a world far away_

_There were six kids_

_And a dog._

_The dog was kinda annoying_

_But that's okay_

_They loved him anywayyy._

_His name was Total_

_We ditched him in a motel.__**"**_(Pronounced Motal)

It was Fang's idea to leave him there

_And you didn't seem to care_

_But Angel cried for days and days!_**" **He started head banging while singing the last sentence.

"_Many places they flew_

_And not many knew_

_That the rumors were true_

_The bird kids really blew on their stew._

_The flock_

_Faced guys with Glocks_

_Sometimes I needed a smock_

_Fang touched his cock._**"** This caused Fang to say "What the fuck?"

"_But nobody could mock_

_Because Max wanted his cock._**"** Max made a face of horror.

"_But check it out_

_She's after the wrong lout_

_Without a doubt_

_The true one would be there in any drought_

_Do not pout_

_Or cover your snout_

_Fang ge'out_**"** Everyone was starting to get anxious at the rap.

"_I'm pullin ou' my map_

_Max is runnin' laps_

_In my head_

_When she tells me to go to bed_

_I dream of her_

_And know everything is okay._

_Max_

_Oh lady, Max_

_My baybay, Maaaaxxx_

_Miss lady, Max_

_Don't you see_

_Your heart belongs to me_

_I think of you while I pee_

_And that's how its got to beeee_

_I'll be in glee_

_When I think of youuu_

_Don't you see_

_Fang ain't the guy fo you_

_He treats fo' _(Fool)

He's not for you

_He won't be there when you poo_

_Or whatever you do_

_Even when you moooo_

_Or when you're covered in goo!__**"**_

Max had a scared look on her face as she came to the conclusion that Gazzy was professing his love for her.

"_I'll follow you like a puppy_

_Even when you're with a yuppie like Fang_

_He just wants to bang._

_We could be like Edward and Bella_

_Be togetha fo eva_

_I jus' don' wanna sip yo' blood_

_Cuz I bet it tastes like crud_

_Cuz you eat too much mud._

_You're the sexiest thing I ever saw_

_Even though you think of yourself as my ma_

_Fang ain't my pa_

_Yo' ain't old enough or ugly enough to be a wife of his you too sexy my girl._**"**

Max's eye began to twitch and Iggy finally could not stand it, he fell on the floor and proceeded to die of laughter. Fang kicked him.

"_I can see you in a thong_

_Smoking out of a bong_

_But I don' know_

_If you'd stoop so low._

_You could wear a bow_

_In your hair on our wedding day_

_Fang could be gay_

_We'd do it by the bay_

_And Fang would lay_

_In the street trying to be run over because he lost you to me may it be._

_Then Fang would be dead_

_And we would be free_

_Let it be._

_If any other man ever tries to put a move on you_

_I'd shoot him with your poo_

_You could spit up goo_

_And we'll glue him to the ground._

_So admit it, Max_

_I will play you the sax_

_Just relax._

_See the truth in my eyes_

_I see it in yours_

_They call it love_

_And I don't wear gloves_

_We could go to clubs._

_This is the time_

_It's not a crime_

_I'm sick of this rhyme_

_The truth is Max…_**"**

Finally he actually spoke, "Iggy loves you."

* * *

**Yeah I know, another one where Iggy wins. He just pwns. It's just too easy to have him win everytime. I promise next time I will do somthing else.**


	4. Max on Strike

**_Multiple point of views. Easy to figure out._**

**

* * *

**

Max on Strike

"Max, you can't be serious." Fang said in disbelief.

She raised her eyebrows and rolled her eyes. "I am completely serious. In fact, I think you should join me. We do so much, and no one else does anything."

Fang scowled, "Are you insane? We're on the run! You can't go on strike."

"Oh yes I can. I don't have to be leader. Do you think that I _have _to be leader?" Max demanded.

"Yes."

She breathed heavily through her nose, "Now you're the one that's kidding, right?"

"No."

Max crossed her arms and pursed her lips. "It's official then. I am going on strike and I can do whatever I want."

"And what do you plan to do?" He asked.

Max smiled, "This," and she leaned forward to press her lips to his. "And sense I'm on strike I'm not even going to worry that it could ruin our friendship or tear apart the flock." And she walked over to the campfire where the rest of the flock sat.

--

"MAAAAXXX!!" Nudge called as she ran to me.

I looked up from the book I had barrowed from Ella. It was excruciatingly boring, but it was better than nothing.

"MAX! I'm bleeding."

I was concerned. I might have been on strike… but… "Where?"

She lowered her voice, "My… my… _you know_."

I almost starting laughing. "Sorry Nudge. I'm on strike. You should go talk to Fang. He knows what you're going through and he can explain every little detail."

She looked at me like I was crazy. "What?! I can't tell him where I'm bleeding."

"Yes… you can. Just tell him you're peeing blood or something… Better yet! Tell him your vagina is bleeding and you think you could die."

She screamed, "I could die!?"

--

"FANNGGG!"

My eyes darted in her direction. Something was wrong with Nudge.

"Fang!"

I headed over to her, "What is it?"

"I'm… peeing blood! I'M GOING TO DIE!"

I was at a loss for words. Which was unusual, seeing as I had plenty to say but never said it. Now though… "Nudge…"

"FANG! HELP ME!!! I DON'T WANT TO DIE! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!" When she started to hyperventilate I knew this wasn't a one-man job.

"Iggy!"

He walked over and sighed, "I've heard the problem."

Max laughed from where she sat, "Ah, her two dads. How cute."

"MAX!" Nudge screamed, "HOW CAN YOU LAUGH WHEN I AM GOING TO DIE!"

Max stopped laughing then and I looked at Iggy. "How are we going to explain this?"

Iggy dropped his head, "I have no idea. This is… embarrassing."

"OMG! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE JUST SITTING THERE WHILE I BLEED TO DEATH!"

Iggy glanced up, "Okay, Nudge, the truth is that's called a period."

"As in period?! The period on my life. The day I die? Because you won't do anything! Stop the blood."

Iggy laughed, "And how are we going to do that?" It was nervous laughter.

"Well, the thing about a period is. Every girl has a period. Max has one. It happens every time for a girl when she reaches a certain age." I went on.

"You mean the blood will never stop? And I'll bleed my whole life?"

"No, no, no, no!" Iggy held his hands up to stop her. "You won't bleed all time. Only for like… Five days or so."

She gasped, "But I'll still die. Nobody can bleed for five days and live."

I sighed, thinking of how to calm her down. "You see Nudge. Every girl bleeds so they don't have a baby."

"Whaaat?"

Iggy laughed, "Well technically no, Fang."

I looked at him, "I don't want to get into that right now."

"Into what?" Nudge demanded.

"Er," I said, "Long story short. Girls bleed there so that a baby doesn't grow inside of her. That would be at the time called an egg. So the body kicks it out. It just means that you're growing up."

"Wait!" She cried out, "So I'm killing babies?!"

"What?" Iggy asked,"No, you aren't… you just. GOD DAMN IT DON'T ASK QUESTIONS! IT JUST HAPPENS!"

She had tears in her eyes and looked at Iggy.

"Pointer!" Max called, "Don't yell at her. She's scared. I was too."

Iggy shook his head, "Then, Max, why don't you come over here and explain everything to her?"

"Because. I'm on strike."

--

The second day Max was on strike Erasers came. Max didn't tell me.

After we fought them, I looked at Max, who really didn't fight at all but ducked behind me.

"Why didn't you tell me they were coming?"

She looked at me like I was insane. "What? I was supposed to yell, 'The Erasers are coming! The Erasers are coming!'?"

--

"Oh that smells yummy." Max said.

"Good." I agreed as I went on cooking. Finally I was done and gave everyone their stick of food. I didn't have one for Max.

"Iggy, where's mine?" She asked.

I tilted my head, "You're on strike. Well, I'm on strike for giving you food. Go catch it yourself. Or pick some berries."

I was still mad about having to explain the menstrual cycle to Nudge.

--

"Total, I don't understand, no one will explain to me."

The dog looked up at Nudge, "Well, I know exactly what you're going through and I can explain!"

"How do you know?"

I started my story, "So I met this bitch once and she had the same problem."

"That's not a nice word." Said the eleven year old.

Total rolled his eyes, "Silly girl, bitch is the word for female dog. Does Max tell you nothing?"

--

"Hey, Fang." Max said.

I ignored her.

"Fang."

I rolled my eyes, "Yeah?"

"Being on strike is boring. I'm leader again."


	5. Evil Computer April Fools!

_Happy April Fools Day! Just you wait. In 7 days, on April 7th, for a reason you will know later, there will be an amazing Fax story._ =]

* * *

Fang's POV

"AHHHHHHHHH, FAAAAAAAAANNNNNNGGGGG!!! Max yelled screamed loudly.

I jumped up and ran out of the room to find Max in the dinning room. "What?"

She struggled to catch her breath, "The… computer," she gasped. "Is… possessed. Fang, it's evil!"

I gave her a long look, "What?"

"It's possessed."

I raised my eyebrows. "What do you mean… possessed?"

Max leaned over the laptop and pulled it open. My eyes dropped to screen, which was acting on it's own. The first scrolled through my blog entries and then the screen went black, and in big white letters it flashed, "**MAX**"

I simply looked at the screen, "Holy crap."

The screen continued to flash, but the words changed, "**MAX LOVES FANG!**"

Max shook her head and looked at me, "Pfft." She said dismissingly. I secretly hoped it was a cover.

So I covered for myself too, "What the fuck is wrong with this thing?"

"I don't know, but, it LIESSSSS!" She yelled at me angrily.

I sighed, I completely wished that she was the one lying so that things wouldn't be awkward that I thought she liked me and my source was a… laptop. "Maybe we should get a new laptop."

"Yeah," Max said, "We should smash this one."

Then the laptop changed it's words again, "**DON'T SMASH ME SISTA FRIEEEND!**"

"Again…" I muttered, "What the fuck?"

"**Don't swear little boy.**"

Max was freaked out now, and I wouldn't admit it but so was I. My thoughts immediately thought of the hacker in the New York City subway tunnel. "Can it hear us?" She asked.

"Uh… I think so. Can you hear us?"

And it said something repulsive, "**Yes I can hear you Fangy Wangy Bangy Boy, I hear you loud and clear.**"

"This is stupid." I proclaimed. "I'm not gonna tolerate a computer like this. I'm smashing it."

"**If you smash me, Nudge will die.**"

Max seemed determined to get all the information she could out of the tiny laptop. "How would you be able to get Nudge?"

"**I am alive.**" Suddenly the laptop slid off the desk and onto the floor by the wall facing us. "**Nudge is stupid anyway.**" Then it went on. "**NOOOOOOOOOOO! SHE ISN'T! IT'S IGGY THAT SHOULD DIE!**"

"Does this laptop have multiple personality disorder?" I asked with a laugh. And a slight idea of who it was playing the prank. It was, after all, April Fools Day.

"I... don't know"

The laptop spoke again "**I am indeed skitzafrinic. I apologize.** **Are my multiple personalities are ruining our conversation?**"

"Does this count as a conversation?" I wondered. "Can't we just smash you? Or otherwise find you and kick your ass?"

"**NO! DON'T KICK OUR ASS!**"

Then my theory was proven true as I heard Iggy's voice through the wall, "RETARD! YOU SAID 'OUR'"

"We should have known..." Max scowled at me.

"**Should have known that Fang masturbates at the sound of Max's name?**"

At that sentence I heard Nudge scream through the wall, "EWWWWWWWWWWW!" And Iggy quickly responded with, "_Shut up_."

I yelled through the wall into Iggy's room, "WE CAN HEAR YOU GUYS! GIVE IT UP!"

"**You can't have our virginity.**"

"I'm turning it off now!" I scowled.

"**TMI man, TMI, my personalities don't need to know when you're up or down.**"

I grabbed Max's hand and walked out of the room. With a look over my shoulder I could see that the laptop was talking to no one. We reached Iggy's door and I opened in and crept in the exactly silent way that always made Max cringe while I breathed down her neck.

I walked for a moment as Iggy and Nudge fought over the keyboard until I interrupted, "Ahem."

Nudge whipped around, "Er, hey Fang."

All Iggy did was laugh nervously, "APRIL FOOLS!?"

And about two seconds later Total walked in the room. Completely shaved. What he had to say was, "I hate Gazzy. Don't trust him with a razor. And Angel, I don't like her mind control power. April Fools Day sucks."

Max and I both agreed. But then I realized I was still holding her hand. Maybe it didn't suck so bad…


	6. The Flock Goes To The Zoo

**The Flock goes to the zoo.**

Max's POV

"Geez Gaz, does it reek enough in here?"

He looked up at me with a grin, "Sorry," he said not really meaning it. He couldn't help it.

I walked to the kitchen with his empty dish and motioned for Fang to follow me. It was the way we always did things. Iggy cooked, Fang and I cleaned. It actually worked very well.

Today he leaned against the counter while I ran the dish under hot water.

"So," I said as I scrubbed it. "I was wondering… what is it you had to tell me the other night, because you never did."

I saw it click in his eyes as he remembered what I was saying but he shook his head, "Not important."

I sighed, anything I ever wanted to know was not important.

"Max?" Angel said from the doorway.

I glanced over my shoulder, never knowing what to expect with Angel I motioned for her to come in.

"Max, can we go to the zoo?"

I dropped the dish in the sink. "What?"

Fang who was halfway finished with swallowing a rather large bite of my bagel coughed and shoved me out of the way so he could hack it up over the sink. Looking for anything to do than answer her question I rubbed his back as he… whatever it was he was doing. He reminded me vaguely of a cat coughing up a hairball.

Surprisingly when he looked up and turned to me, he smirked as if it was amusing how I rubbed his back.

"Can we please go to the zoo?" She begged. Angel's twelve, but still pretty damn angelic.

I shook my head in disbelief, "Why in the world would you want to go watch animals in cages? That could just have easily have been you."

"But, but, they're cute and I really wanna go. Please, Max? I'll do every chore plus the ones that Gazzy doesn't do for a week."

I sighed, "Alright, I suppose that's a good deal."

"Yay!" She shouted before running out of the room with delight. Who could deny that girl anything.

Fang looked at me with a big mocking smile on his face.

"What?" I asked he laughed at me.

"You're very… motherly. Protective even…"

I threw my head back and laughed, "Good, I am your mom Fang, time to stop having bad thoughts about me."

"Yeah," he agreed, grabbing my arm, "But I don't want you to be my mom. Iggy can be my god damn mom, as long as I can kiss you."

I stuck my tongue out and backed away from him, "No kissing Mommy."

"Okay," he said following me, "I'll be bad and kiss my sister instead."

I laughed as he caught me in a tight embrace. He kissed me with passion, that made my head spin. And I never missed a second of it.

--

Iggy was miffed I decided to pack up and bring them all to the zoo. "I'm just waiting for someone to start screaming, 'Oh look! There are the escape convicts! Quick, shoot them with a dart gun and don't let them get away!' I'm telling you. We're going to end up in those cages."

That wasn't exactly what we were doing. The flock went insane when it came to the bird section. There were huge caged hawks that I knew reminded Fang of when he and Nudge were alone near Lake Mead.

"Mom, please? Please, Mommy." He nagged me jokingly. He always referred to me as Mom to piss me off. But in a big way that's what I was.

"Please what?" I scoffed annoyed at the flocks' behavior. They'd been screaming about the birds for the past five minutes. Sometimes I wished I didn't know them. But the others know if I didn't know them I would have given up on life a long time ago.

"I promise I'll be good." He begged.

I laughed and shoved him off my shoulder, "Fanggg, stop it."

He'd been imitating the kids in their begging ways. "But Mom."

"I said stop it," I scolded, "or you're grounded."

He leaned in and gave me a kiss right below my ear that could have been mistaken for him whispering to me. "I'm sorry Mommy. You can spank me if you like."

My face must have turned the "Ooh" expression and gone red because it was more of the other way around. Just as Fang said that he smacked my ass as hard as he could. It was actually rather loud. Even more to my embarrassment. There was an old man with glasses looking right at me. When he saw me looking he raised his eyebrows suggestively and motioned to Fang.

"Shit," Fang said looking around, "where did they go?"

I looked at him with a sigh, "This is what we get for going to the zoo."

"Don't worry." He said as he pecked my lips, "Mom and Dad to the rescue, we'll find them."

I rolled my eyes at his suggestions. We'd been going out for like, six years so it seemed kind of appropriate though, if I was Mom, there was no way in hell he was the estranged uncle whom was really my second cousin and made out with all the time. I held my hand out for him and he happily grabbed at it, lacing his fingers through mine and setting off.

Fang decided he was going to kiss me in front of a fountain. Full out kiss me, not even just a peck. I mean it; his tongue was practically down my throat. Not that I minded, of course.

It was with his tongue in my mouth that I decided to open my eyes playfully. But after a second of peeking I shoved him away, resulting in him sitting on his ass. "What the hell? Oh my shitting God!"

He got up, "Was it that bad?" He mumbled with a laugh.

I shook my head with my mouth still open. I motioned to the huge screen that about five feet from us. On it, was Angel running out of some cage with a penguin in her arms.

The screen was slit in three; Nudge was flying out of some cage like a bat out of hell. In fact, there were several bats swarming out from behind her. And there was Gazzy with his familiar green mushroom cloud around him and there he was with the goddamn falcon.

Fang stood over my shoulder, "Well, on the plus side, we don't have to pay for these pets."

I was about to scowl and scream at him but he kissed my neck. Not only that but he rubbed my shoulders, "Max, stay calm okay? Don't you blow up. We will get through this I promise."

"How can you always be so sure. Somebody is going to end up shooting them down, Fang. What then?"

He nibbled on my ear in a sexy way that made me want to get into a huge make out session right there.

But there was no chance of that. The screen suddenly turned black as a huge explosion shook the ground. Immediately I was turned off. "Fang! I'm going to kill him! I'm going to kill Iggy!"

I spun on my heel in search of him. Fang, however, caught up to me. "Killing isn't a great idea. But I'm in for a total ass kicking."

I just growled at him as he tried to lighten my mood. A bomb in a goddamn zoo.

When I saw him I charged at him and threw him onto the ground. "Iggy! You're such a dumb ass, why the hell did you do that?"

He sat up, "It's fine, I swear. No one was around and I only did it to blast the lock off of…"

"Iggy, do you realize everyone is causing problems today?"

"Sorry, I guess." He sighed, "But I didn't want to be around with Fang making the moves on you every two seconds. You know what it means right?"

I scowled, "Iggy, it's not like that."

_Oh how are you sure?_ The voice said in my head.

I glanced over my shoulder and jumped when Fang was right there. "Alright, well, we should find the others."

--

Nudge's POV

I laughed as I swooped in the open top cage. Elephants. No creature belongs in cages, even ones so big as elephants. I kicked the gate, again and again. But it would not budge. So I reached my hand into my pocket to the group of bombs Iggy had given me.

Sticking one near the lock I kicked off and soared high in the sky. It did not go… as it should have. The explosion caused the elephants to startle and run at the gate. Ten elephants charged right through. Shit. Shit, shit, shit! It wasn't the right way. It was a stampede.

--

Gazzy's POV

I swooped through the air, making loud noises as I did. With my friend the falcon we dive-bombed as huge piece of plate glass where the eagles were. Falco smashed right through it and the eagles made a happy noise before flying out. Yes! FREEDOOOOMM.

We formed a V formation and flew around the zoo finding any other type of bird that we could. We came up with owls, and parrots and lots of other things I didn't know what they were.

There it was. I had to save the emu. The flightless bird. I unlocked the cage and let it run out. Yes, this was getting to be quite fun.

As I was flying with my new bird friends I saw something shooting up from the corner of my eye. It was so fast I didn't have time to look. But I knew what it was when it plowed into me. It was Max, flying at hyperspeed. And man was she pissed. She started yelling the moment she'd gotten to me.

--

Angel's POV

When I saw Fang running toward me I was sitting on the back of a giraffe. Not good. I was in trouble now. I thought in my head for the giraffe to run, and just as I said it began running. Fang obviously didn't want to use his wings because he didn't catch up to me. Perfect.

I stopped at the lion's cage and got him out. This was perfect. All the animals were running around faster than anything. They were free.

--

Nudge's POV

"You're in a lot of trouble Nudge," Fang said when he'd caught me and sat me down on a bench with Gazzy. Iggy was standing guard. Great.

--

Angel's POV

"Go monkey's go! Be free! You're free!"

A hand clapped over my mouth. "Yeah but you're not."

Oh no. Max.

--

Max's POV

"I'm ashamed in all of you. I cannot believe you would convince me to go to the zoo just to do such a stupid thing like that. You're all unbelievable. And grounded."

"Max," Fang said to me quietly, "Can we not go to the zoo again?"

"Yeah."

Angel had her charm and asked me, "Maaaax, can we go to the aquarium?" Damn, she could breathe underwater too…


	7. Global Warming

T for language and themes. Making fun of MR very heavily... Disclaimed.

* * *

"MAAAAAX! MAX! OH MY GOD! MAAAX! OMG!"

Max's eyelids cracked open and she questioned Nudge's screaming angrily.

"I just got off the phone with your mom! She said global warming has gotten worse!"

"Oh no!" Max jumped out of bed immediately. "Not global warming!"

The door burst open and Iggy shouted from where he stood in the doorway, "did someone say 'Global Warming'?"

"Yes! We did," Nudge encouraged.

He rushed into the room, closing the door. "Global Warming is a horrid thing."

"Whatever shall we do," Max worried.

"You always have a plan," Angel announced as she came in behind Iggy.

"Yes! I do."

"I know," Gazzy called from the other room, "we never take showers again!"

Fang looked like he had been slapped in the face. "No. Silly Gazzy, showers are for bird kids."

"STOP STEALING OUR YOGURT!" Total growled angrily.

"Total, what have I told you, never speak again or I will drop you at hyperspeed from a trillion miles in the sky," Max threatened.

"I have wings dumbass."

Her eyes narrowed. "Not if you're zipped into a backpack."

"Maximum Ride, you must never speak to Total that way again," Angel commanded, "you do not hate him, you are in love with him."

"I thought she was in love with me," Fang was suddenly filled with jealous rage.

Max turned on Total, "oh doll, where have you been all my life?"

"AKILLLLAAAA!" Total squeaked as he ran from the room, Max chased him and Fang sat down, filled with teenage angst.

"Okay, I'm the leader now," Angel claimed happily. "Fang you must sing everything you say. Iggy you must make everything you say sound like a superhero. Gazzy you must speak like Yoda. And Nudge, you have to mime everything, no talking."

"Fuck no."

"FANGY WANGY, WAS THAT A PROFANITY?" Nudge screamed.

"Ha, wangy," Iggy snickered.

"SHUT UP IGGY!"

"Bitch," Iggy answered the six year old.

"What about Global Warming," Angel screamed at him, "what is calling me a bitch gonna do about Global Warming?"

Abruptly everyone was blown out of the room as the house exploded. In the explosion Nudge died.

Once they had regrouped they glanced back to the house where Gazzy stood in the rubble, "te-he." The green air was just dissipating.

Total ran passed with Max on his tail, "I am not a whore!"

Max scooped Total up and shoved him into her bag, spreading her wings she soared into the sky. In an attempt to save her beloved Akila jumped to fight, but she missed Max, and settled for ripping out Gazzy's throat.

Unaware of the carnage Fang announced he was leaving. Shortly afterward he was found handcuffed naked to his bed with multiple stab wounds in his chest and wings. His penis had been removed. All that was found at the scene of the crime was bunches of red hair.

Angel suddenly found herself in a fit of swears, "mother-fucking asshole! She ran toward Akila with a frying pan, and attacked the poor creature for killing her brother."

Iggy was stunned at hearing the dog whimper. "What the hell did you just do?"

"Shut up."

"No, bitch."

"Go touch yourself," she ordered.

"…I already did that today…twice."

"Ew. You're weird."

"It's only normal. But guess what?" Iggy extracted a needle from his coat pocket and jammed it into her arm. "You are going to get AIDs," he cheered happily.

"Dick for brains," she first slapped him in the face and then pulled a gun out of her ass. One the gun was aimed at him she shot him in the head. Iggy too was dead.

Angel crumpled into a ball. "I have AIDs. I have AIDs. I have AIDs." She expired.

Moments later Max landed in the yard without her backpack, she looked around curiously. "Where did everyone go."


End file.
